I was yelling.  I mean yelling.  I was 3 months into my job as a manager and I was on the phone with one of my guys and we were going at it.  I was the boss! Who was he to question me or to push back on my direction.  I had tried incentives.  I had tried to relate to him, but nothing was working.  It was time to use my power to force him to do what was needed.

He hung up on me.  He also did what I yelled at him to do, but he did it begrudgingly.  The effect on the account was half-ass and we both suffered from the lack luster effort.  I later apologized for treating him like a child.  He apologized for letting it get that far, but the truth was he had nothing to be sorry for.  I had failed in my leadership.

I have always referred to the use of power as a case of either ‘the carrot or the stick’.  Power…  That is right-  I used THAT word.  It is absolutely true that all managers have POWER.  We have to have power in order to do our jobs.  Some people may not like the word, but it is what it is.  Princeton online defines power as:  Possession of controlling influence.

I have recently learned that there are different types of power.  There is Hard Power and Soft Power.  Hard Power is power exerted through force.  You may have seen it displayed at the office in the following ways:

• Emails in all caps
• Actual yelling at grown men and women
• Proximity management (sit here so I can watch you)
• Write ups with no direction on improvement
• Incentives to do your job- bonuses without direction

Conversely there is such a thing as Soft Power.  Soft Power is used when a leader has buy-in.  It is a direct contradiction to Hard Power and is defined by asymmetricthreat.net as-  The ability to shape the preferences of others and get others to want the outcomes you want.  YESSIR!  See the difference?

The Carrot or the Stick?

What is ‘the carrot and the stick’ (CaS) some of you may ask?  It is a metaphor used by managers to describe how to motivate people.  The idea is that much like a donkey, people can be motivated by either being whipped with a stick or being tempted to move along with the aid of a carrot dangled in front of them. Many managers believe that the carrot is a Soft Power tool. FAIL

I have recently decided that the carrot is as much a tool of Hard Power as the stick is.   Managers can tempt their teams with a carrot, but it is only generating a preconditioned response.  There is no buy-in from the employee.  The carrot becomes a whipping tool used just like a stick.  Most diplomacy defines Hard Power as having control financially over a country or region (sanctions for example).

The CaS metaphor further breaks down as it equates employees to stubborn mules (or Donkeys- I know there is a difference).  There is no way people and donkeys are even in the same boat, even though I believe Donkeys are AWESOME and way better than most animals-  like say…. otters!

I recommend that all managers and leaders work to gain buy-in from their staff on the direction and ideas of the team.  When direction is a group effort and the team works together to achieve goals, then Hard Power is not necessary.  Here are 5 lessons on how to improve on your ability to use Soft Power:

• Write down what you believe and share it with your team. I call this a Leadership Manifesto. It is a tried and true list of 5 – 10 core beliefs you have as a person.  Once your team knows what you believe, they can communicate with you more effectively.
• Never push back a one-on-one meetings for any reason. GUILTY!  I do this way more than I should.  This shows disrespect for your team members and does not generate buy in on team ideas.
• Ask Questions. It is critical to get ideas and input from everyone and asking questions is the only way to do it. Ask WHY and then when you have an answer,  ask WHY again.
• Say good morning to everyone and good night to anyone left. This may not seem like a big deal, but I say hello to most everyone on my team each morning.  It is sometimes the only 3 minute pocket I have with them when the world is not blowing up in our face.  I have the time to invest in what they say.
• Tell your team when you have to fight for them.  I will let my team know when I have to scrap for them.  I never do so in a way that makes management seem off-putting to their issues.  I simply let them know that it is my job to take bullets for them.  That is part of why I get paid.

Simply understanding what power is and how it can be used is critical.  By implementing some changes in how you work with your team, you could instantly change the team dynamics.  Try it and let me know how this has worked for you.

Do you believe that there is a place for Hard Power in the work place?  Have you seen areas where the carrot is just an orange, edible stick?

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She was not an imposing figure, but she demanded respect.  Judy Childress was the varsity choral director of my high school.  She had sharp and wild eyes; the kind you get from a lifetime of artistic opportunity.  She was incredible at harnessing the talent of her students and her community.  Judy was a tenured and talented teacher that was respected across the board as a person who could get things done.   I was scared of her…

I cannot remember why I was late or what I was doing, but I remember what happened on that stage….  It was during a musical rehearsal.  I was running late and I strolled across the stage.  At the time, I was too cocky, overly self assured and thought I had the world figured out.  I was 17 and needed a push.

There were at least 30 people at the rehearsal and I was sure that I had the clout to walk in late and not get called out.  I was wrong.  ”ANDY!”  Judy Childless was behind the piano at the left of the stage.  She had waited until I was in dead center stage.  The entire chorus was sitting on the front two rows of the auditorium.  It was an audience..  an audience to watch what was to become my most public dress down.

I turned to see Mrs. Childress walk from behind the piano.  ”What gives you the right to show up 20 minutes late?”  She asked.  I began to stumble through a canned response-  like Jake Blues…  I ran outta gas. I had a flat tire. I didn’t have enough money for cab fare. My tux didn’t come back from the cleaners. An old friend came in from outta town. Someone stole my car. There was an earthquake, a terrible flood, locusts. It wasn’t my fault!! I SWEAR!!!

Her eyes were piercing.  She let loose on me.   “I am sick of your excuses!  You have to grow up.  You are responsible for yourself and the sooner you realize that the better we will ALL be.  Go sit down, now.”

I stood in the lights of the stage.  The lights that had been my blanket of security.  I had loved the gaze of an audience and enjoyed my time in front of the curtain.  Something was wrong, this was not the attention I had come to love.  I turned to see the entire cast of the musical looking at me like I was a 2 year old.  I felt about a foot tall and suddenly had a moment of clarity.  I WAS THE PROBLEM.

Personal accountability.  This is the core of my Leadership Manifesto.  From that day forward I have never pawned off my accountability.  I do not make excuses for my own actions.  I accept the fall out for my my decisions in their entirety.

Leadership must have personal accountability at its core or there is no authenticity. Leaders who do not accept the credit for their actions, both good and bad, are not able to gain trust from their teams or bosses.  I have found that many times when I stand up, accept responsibility and take accountability for my actions, I walk away having gained the respect of my superiors.

Russell Bishop talks about accountability in his blog.  He discusses CPA.  The idea is that we all “Create, Promote or Allow…“ events to happen in our lives.  We are accountable and this accountability provides us power over our lives.

I may have learned the lesson of accountability at some time in my life even if I had never been called out on that stage.  But the fact is-  I learned how to be an adult and I had a pillar of my success forged by Judy Childress.  For this-  I say:  Thanks Judy!

It is very rainy and I had been driving for almost 2 hours.  I had to go to DFW yesterday for a meeting.  I have found that a great way to pass the time in my car is to listen to audio books.  This is not a secret.  What my be a secret is the public library has a ton of audio books.  I have been running through their catalog as fast as I can listen.  I have killed two books in two weeks.

My latest slaughter was Leadership Therapy:  Inside the Mind of Microsoft. All in all a clinical study- but effective in certain areas.  Here is where I found the most interesting information:  Belief Systems.

At our core-  we all have beliefs driven by our experiences.  As leaders it is our job to identify what events shaped our lives and how those became beliefs.  Once we know what happened and how events  formed us-  we need to communicate those beliefs to our teams, families and through our online personas.

I have drafted a list of events that defined me.  I will begin to post those and address how each one has changed me as a person and a leader.  Once I have completed my exercise, I will translate that information to my leadership manifesto that I will post on my Bio.

Posted as a Proclamation

My beliefs may change over time-  I HOPE they change-  but at least this way-  I do not have to wonder about why I feel a certain way about a topic.  I will not have to try and explain where I am coming from to others on my team and to my bosses.  I will have a clear manifesto of what I believe and everyone can see it.  This will be challenging-  difficult to grasp and one of the most important things I have done.    If you can do it-  I recommend getting started on your own.  Feel free to comment, follow or share.